Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A Poem For A Dog With Cancer

A dog one day came to live with me.
Never did I see her coming.
She just turned up for me.
I think that God placed her here,
To be my special friend.
Because he knew that I would need her,
A lot before the end.
When kids at school would tease me,
As often they all did,
I'd come home and find here there,
Waiting for me, looking,
With that bright-eyed, starry stare.
I would sometimes feel alone,
But never really was,
Because she would be there to talk to me.
She spoke to me in her own words,
Which only I could hear.
And now I'm looking for unsighted comfort,
To forget that she's not here.
After 13 or 14 years of loyalty,
Her love was put to trial,
And that wonderful St. Bernard,
Stood brilliantly to the test.
A dog had come straight for me,
With teeth and back hair shown,
But my loyal, loving, old, good friend,
Was there once again for me.
A fight so quick,
A fight over me,
Was done before I knew.
My dog had saved me once again,
And survived without a scratch.
For two more years,
My friend did well.
Nothing was wrong -
Or so we could tell.
She did fine,
Until she fell.
She would not eat,
But she would throw up.
And when she'd drink,
It would come back up.
The vet just said that it was age,
And though I loved her greatly,
And though I loved her as my friend,
I knew that her time was drawing,
To a final end.
So X-Rays were finally done,
And so was my time with that old one.
Cancer showed all in the chest,
Surrounding the heart that loved me.
I was then told,
There by the vet,
The dog had given it to her with just one bite.
The dog that fought two years ago,
Had given my friend a trial,
That could not be overruled.
The cancer was too far ahead,
And had too good a grip.
I knew right then,
What I must do,
I had to let my dear friend go -
Or what her suffer slow.
And if her fate not lay in needles,
It was lay with starvation.
The largest two tumors were one either side,
Pushing her stomach on either side.
And if I did not stand that test,
By saving her bad pain,
I would watch my dear friend suffer,
And come to an unruly end.
I had to end her suffering pain,
Or least she would just live on in vain.
And so one more time I told her I loved her,
And ran fast from the room,
Unable to hold my dying friend.
The shock, though expected, came all too fast,
The end came way too soon.
I could not stand to watch her go still,
And have the starring eyes go dark.
I could not touch that beautiful face,
When no tongue came out for my hand or face.
I could not hug that wonderful body,
When no heart would I feel:
The heart, soul, and body that I loved,
Would not beat with her love for me.
It was done,
And all to fast,
My friend came to an end.
Leaving me with memories
That were not enough for me.
So taking back the collar and leash,
And crying out my eyes,
I whispered to her nametag very quietly.
I said:
"Dear friend, I loved you then.
And I will love you now.
But for now we must be separated.
For how long, I can not tell.
But don't despair,
Just promise me to be there,
When my life comes to an end.
I know that you will be waiting there,
As my ever faithful friend."
When asked why I chose for her to die,
I, crying, answered back:
"It would have happened anyway,
So why bring unearned pain?
I loved her in the life we had,
And I love her spirit and her memory.
Many times her love for me,
Was put forward to be tested.
And my love that day was tested too,
And I think that I did win:
For I loved that dog more than anyone,
Because I was strong enough to love her,
And strong enough to say good bye,
And do what was right for her."


Following are the general steps of grieving, which have been abbreviated for easy reference. We recommend that you copy and paste or print this page out. You may find it helpful in realizing that grief is a perfectly normal human process. It has a beginning, a middle and an end. This does not imply that you will not feel sad sometimes in remembering the loss of your pet, but the sharp, sometimes painful feelings will diminish with time and are often replaced by memories of happier days when you and your pet shared life together. 

(1) Crying: While this seems an entirely expected reaction, the first few moments of realizing that your pet has died can produce a number of strange, emotional reactions. An outburst of crying, anger, hyper activity even a form of giddy laughter can follow the shock of knowing. It is generally short-lived, lasting for only minutes immediately following the death.

(2) A strange sense of numbness and emptiness: Often the bereaved person will feel somehow disconnected from their surroundings, as if they are simply walking through a dream.

(3) Disbelief: For the first few days, immediately following the death of a pet, many people experience a period of denial. Some even think they hear or see their pet, and for a moment will react as if the pet is still living. The thought that their pet is actually not coming back seems impossible.

(4) Guilt: As the days begin to pass, it is not unusual to feel a very strong sense of guilt. People will go over the days leading up to the death and often feel that if they had reacted differently, their pet would still be alive. This is especially true when the death of a pet has been very sudden or the result of an accident. Children will often try to 'bargain', some turning to prayer and asking God to bring the pet back to life in return for promises 'to be good' for ever-after.

(5) Profound grief: Like all human emotions, the depth and length of this period will vary according to the individual. This period of genuine realization that your pet has gone forever marks the beginning of the true grieving process. It can occur within a few days or sometimes it may be as many as six months before this process takes place. A very deep sense of loss, and occasional bouts of crying typify this period and can last, on and off, for several days or weeks.

(6) Acceptance: Generally within about 6 months, the sharpness of the pain of grief begins to diminish and people begin to adjust to life without their much-loved companion. They are able to speak about their loss more easily, and begin to remember the happier times when they were together. This marks the end of the grieving process, and while people may continue to have occasional 'sad thoughts' about their lost pet,they are usually brief. These occasional moments may continue throughout life and are quite normal.

(1) Talking: One of the most helpful ways to begin the healing process is to try and speak about your pet and your feelings of grief to a close and trusted family member or friend. Shutting out the painful feelings will only make them last longer. By talking to someone you trust and whom you know will be compassionate and understanding, you will be able to accept the loss and return to a normal life more quickly.

(2) Ceremony: Many people today find that honoring their pet's life helps them to adjust to life without them. There are a variety of ways in which you can memorialize your pet which help to keep you focused during the first days of grieving. These activities help to fill the emptiness and give the bereaved an opportunity to express their deep feelings of affection and sadness at their loss. It may be as simple as writing a small poem in memory of your pet or assembling a special book of pictures. More and more people today also choose to have their pet's remains individually cremated or buried at a pet cemetery. Most veterinarians are able to assist you with such arrangements.

(3) Posting an Internet Memorial: Many people today are turning to newer methods of honoring their pet's life. In-Memory-of Pets.com was established for just this purpose. This is an entirely free service and your memorial is posted permanently. If you do not have an Internet service, ask a friend who does to help you post your memorial.

Here are a few basic examples of when you or a person you know may require some extra assistance from a good friend or professional grief counselor.

[1] Depression: Symptoms include the long-term loss of interest in activities which used to be entertaining, loss of appetite, insomnia or an interruption in normal sleeping patterns, withdrawal from socializing (including telephone conversations), feelings of hopelessness or even suicide. These are serious warning signs of distress and every effort should be made to seek help. If you, yourself find yourself 'falling into this dark and unhappy mood' try to understand that this is a genuine illness. It is not something which you should think of as embarrassing or a sign of personal weakness. DO NOT HESITATE to call a professional. A veterinarian, religious leader, or grief councilor is trained to assist you and to help advise you. Depression almost always makes us feel as if nothing will help and it can become an almost overwhelming effort to just pick up the phone to take the first step towards recovery. Remember that this is the depression 'talking'. MAKE THE EFFORT. It is vitally important that you take this first step and call for assistance. You will surprise yourself with how understanding and helpful your professional advisor will be.

[2] Guilt: While feeling guilty is part of the normal grieving process, for some people it becomes an almost overwhelming problem. This is especially likely to occur if your pet has died suddenly or as the result of an accident. If you find that you are spending a great deal of time thinking about how you might be to 'blame' for not recognizing that your pet was ill, or that you feel that it is your fault that your pet died as a result of something you did or did not do, seek the help of a professional. Again a veterinarian, religious leader, or even your general practitioner are good advisors to help you over this 'stalled' phase of the grieving process. A professional person with a less involved view-point can help bring you back into a more realistic understanding of your feelings of guilt. It really all boils down to this: An accident is an event which occurs with no premeditation on the part of those involved. Just like making a wrong left turn and possibly damaging your car, remember that it was an accident. You certainly didn't purposefully set out to damage your shiny new car, now did you? In the case of an unfortunate death caused through and accident or undetected illness, you may have to accept that your actions of thinking may have been more wisely handled, but you must acknowledge that not for a single moment did you intend to cause any harm to your pet. The only person who can blame himself for the injury or death of a pet is a person who from the very start, fully and consciously attempt to cause harm. Otherwise, how can you possibly consider yourself guilty? Your advisor will help you to see, we are all human, and as such, our actions are never perfect.

The grieving process is a deeply personal and individual emotion. Therefore it is important for you to remember that the information contained above is GENERAL INFORMATION and may not accurately reflect your own experience with grief. Some people will pass through certain stages of the grieving process faster or slower that others. It depends entirely on your own personality and life experiences. It is also a generally held belief that individuals living alone, especially those of us who are senior citizens may experience a longer healing period. Also, people who have lost a pet suddenly or due to an accident may experience a more profound and painful grieving period. This is perfectly normal. Those of us who live alone with a pet often develop a very deep, personal attachment and the loss of such a daily companion can be a very hard load to bear. When a pet dies suddenly and unexpectedly, or as the result of an accident, there is often a greater feeling of grief and sometimes profound feelings of guilt. If you are finding your loss particularly stressful, you may wish to talk to a close friend, relative, religious or medical advisor whom you trust with your personal problems. Depression is the most serious emotional problem which you may experience. Today medical authorities recognize that depression is a real, physical illness and can be successfully treated with counseling and/or new medications. If you find that you are losing interest in things that used to interest you; if you are finding that your normal sleep pattern has changed - either sleeping too little or too much; if you find yourself withdrawing and not wishing to see friends or go out; if you are not eating regularly, or are less interested in your appearance and personal hygiene, make the effort to speak to a close friend or professional about your problem. Often talking it over will help you to heal.

Should you find that you are having persistent thoughts of death or suicide as a result of your grief. We strongly recommend that you contact your healthcare professional. Or you may wish to discuss your situation with a grief counselor. Look in your local telephone book under Distress or Grief Counseling. Professional counselors are available twenty-four hours a day. These people are highly trained and your discussion with them is entirely private and confidential. The service is free, and designed to help anyone who is experiencing emotional distress. You should not feel embarrassed to talk. Depression is the most common illness of the modern age. Every year literally hundreds of thousands of people experience this illness. The good news is that it is also one of the most easily 'curable' of all emotional disorders. Grief is as individual as each person! There are no hard and fast rules. However, if you think that you or a friend is having a particularly difficult time with the loss of a beloved pet, there is help.
Remember that you are not alone.

By reaching out you will surprise yourself with how many people will understand and want to help.

Comforting Bible Passages Revealing God's Love for Animals

"Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it." Matthew 10:29, New Living Translation

"O Lord, You preserve both man and beast." Psalm 36:6

"A righteous man regards the life of his animal." Proverbs 12:10

"The Angel of the Lord said to Balaam, 'Why have you struck your donkey these three times?'" Numbers 22:23. This verse proves Angels care for animals.

The Ten Commandments reveal God's care for animals. The Fourth Commandment states that even the cows are to rest on the Sabbath day. "Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord, in it you shall do no work. You, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your manservant, nor your maidservant, nor your cattle, nor the stranger that is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Wherefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it." Exodus 20:8-11.

We can learn spiritual lessons from animals. "But now ask the beasts, and they will teach you; and the birds of the air, and they will tell you; Or speak to the earth, and it will teach you; and the fish of the sea will explain to you. Who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this, In whose hand is the life of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind?" Job 12-7-10.

In the God’s future kingdom, “The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the goat … the cow and the bear shall feed, their young ones shall lie down together … and a little child shall lead them … They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain, for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.” Isaiah 11:6-9.

In God’s future kingdom, all pain will be gone. “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away. And He that sat upon the throne said, ‘Behold, I create all things new.’ And He said to me, “Write this down, for these words are true and faithful.’” Revelation 21:4,5.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Through heartache and sorrow & how we lost our Bassethound "Babyboy"

Babyboy was shot and killed after he slipped out of our home on June 28,2008
We live in a small rural town in Alabama where it's quiet most of the time. I stay to myself and I take care of my children and my pets. I started taking in pets when I moved here because there was such a need in this area.There was dogs every where on our street but one by one they all started disappearing and dying.

This is our story 

Our first rescue was a little pup we named Lucky. We had saved him from starving. He was only 6 weeks old. His momma had several pups and delivered them under an abandoned home. We also found the other pups a home. Then we saved Freekles, a little 2 month old Basset Hound that the neighbors abandoned. Freekles would follow the girls home from school and we fell in love. So Lucky and Freekles were a team and they were the best doggies ever.

One year later on December 26 Freekles wondered off and we couldn't find him. He had been taken off by some Teens and gotten hit by a car. We hunted everywhere for him finally I placed a huge sign at the store down the road and this woman calls me to tell me she had seen freekles get hit by a car and he survived. She didnt know what to do with him so she let him lay in her carport until animal control came the next day and got him.He lived until he was "rescued." I found out were he was and contacted the vet. The vet had put Freekles to sleep one hour before I had called to claim him. I was devastated. All he had was a broken leg. It was close to New Year's weekend and in my opinion the vet didnt want to be bothered with the hassle of taking care of my baby. The vet also thought Freekles was old so he said I figured no one would claim him so quickly or not at all. . My God--you could look at his teeth and tell he was only 1 year old!When we wnt to get his body I stormed in the vets office demanding I speak to the vet I wanted to tell him off for killing our dog so we stood their and waitied and no one came so I stormed through the door and walked in the back holding freekles photo and stuck it in his face and said is this my baby you killed?? The vet said yes he was in really bad shape and his testicles had also been ran over in the wreck there was no saving him he was in too much pain.

So while I was in the back telling this vet how I felt about him killing our dog the vet tech had taken him and placed his frozen body in the arms of my 10 year old little girl. When I walked back in the main waiting room she was sitting there with a 40 pound frozen dog in her arms. I could see the tears flowing down her face and that mad me more furious. I took freekles and stormed out ,I layed his body on the tail gate and then I lost it ,screaming uncontrollably saying all kinds of things . I couldnt understand why this vet didnt save our dog but in his mind freekles was old. I had never lost a dog in this way before and the grief was to much.

 We brought Freekles home and grieved his loss and I swore if I ever got another dog he would "NEVER" be allowed outside without me. This is true and everyone that came to visit heard this on a daily basis.

I had been in contact with a lady that had Bassets because I wanted to get Freekles a friend at this time in my life I had no idea so many animals where being killed in shelters. So I contacted her after freekles died and she had a litter.  It's so odd but all I wanted was a red and white. The entire litter was all white and black except one and he was dark red and white. I walk up to him and picked him up and knew I had to have him. I also started to cry. The lady didn't want to sell him, saying they were keeping him because he was special. I said. "Oh please, I'll give you more for him." So she agreed and we brought him home.

Then our life began with our new little pup whom I named Babyboy. Oh, how much joy he brought to our family, especially to my daughter Becca. They were a team, I tell ya! So much love between them. He was spoiled from the moment we drove away with him from the breeder. At first he was called a little bit of everything, since like most people, we just dididn't know what to name our pet. But Babyboy stuck. He loved "Chichi," our little Rat Terrier. They played all the time. At first Babyboy was little, but as he got bigger Chichi knew she had to get her bluff in on him. It was so funny.

As Babyboy got older I felt so bad because when other neighborhood dogs would come in the yard he always would look out the door and just look so pitiful. We have lot of neighborhood dogs that roam but not my baby--I knew better. I wasn't going through the heartache of losing him. We had a bond that I could never replace.

We would take him outside and let him run, but we knew the limits. We always stood guard. Some people thought I was insane but heartache isn't easy to go through, so I always kept him close. Christmas 2007 was very special. We were all together except for Freekles. Because I worked six days a week I wasn't as close to Freekles even though I loved him dearly. So when I got Babyboy I was a stay-at-home mom and all my love and attention were always here with him. It's amazing how close you can become to dogs--who knew? I've always loved animals and I've always had a soft heart. I remember as a little girl bringing home every stray animal I found. Mom couldn't deal with all of them. But as a child I always had pets from bunnies to hamsters to kitties.

This is the hard part to write--the ending to the beautiful friendship we had. The day I lost my boy. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Around 5:30 or 6:00pm a neighbor came to my door. I thought it was odd. We didn't expect anyone that day. The lady was a neighbor and she came in with her mom and asked if I had a Basset. I said. "Oh, sure I do," and I called for Babyboy. She said, "No, we think he's been hurt." I said, "Not my dog. He's here. " Then I freaked. This terrible look came over her face. I started screaming, "Who let him out?" I grabbed my shoes and I ran outside. I was halfway down the hill when I was picked up by my neighbor, Keith, who drove me down the hill to where my Babyboy lay dead. I jumped out and ran to him screaming and crying the entire way. I fell to the ground and took him in my arms and just sat there and cried, "Oh God, please don't let my baby be dead!"

A crowd of neighbors had watched Babyboy die slowly in the street. Now they saw me as I fought to catch my breath and looked up to Keith asking him, "Why?," saying, "Please don't let this happen. Please don't let my baby die." A few feet away my neighbor stood in front of me, unemotional and without a care in the world. He had told an onlooker before I arrived that he would go get a gun and put Babyboy out of his misery. But he had been the cause of Babyboy's misery.

I had no idea what was happening. All I knew is that I was in shock and I wanted my boy back. Keith took Babyboy out of my arms and Dale, a neighbor, picked me up off the road and helped me to the truck, where I passed out from grief. I was driven back home. My daughter Rebecca was on the porch. I told her not to go down the road. I knew she heard me screaming because Dale heard me and came running down there. I got out of my truck in utter shock and I went to Rebecca and put my arms around her and told her our baby's gone. It was the hardest thing to do. We still didn't know the why or how of it. After that we go to Babyboy and looked and realized he had a bullet hole in his back.Oh God, I lost it. I pretty much knew right then who had done this !!!!!!

I called 911. They came out and I was just beside myself with grief. Halfway through questioning I told Keith. "I can't breathe. You must get me some help!" So the police called for the emergency rescue. They came out and did what they do. In the meantime the police questioned everyone and the shooter denied killing our Babyboy.

I calmed down some for Becca's sake. I was worried she thought I might die from a heart attack. It didn't get better that night. I cried for hours. We took Babyboy to the after-hours ER and they kept him there. I didn't want to leave him. I cried all the way home and cried until I fell asleep. The following weeks weren't any easier. I was so used to having Babyboy here. I just lay in my bed. Nothing was making the pain go away. I was so filled with hate and anger.

The shooter did finally admit to killing my baby, only to say he did it to protect his cat .I know the real truth behind the shooting now. I have a 300 page detailed deposition that explains it all. That is all I got that and our memories with our dog left . In the end many good things have came from this terrible tragedy ,we learned just how much animal abuse there is in the world and we try to spread that news and bring awareness to people.There really is no good ending to this story except because of babyboys death and because of our love for him people are more aware and they watch and care for their dog more then they did.Let this be a lesson to us all cherish and protect the things we love because around every corner there are sick people that will kill your beloved pet for the enjoyment of it. 

We miss our Babyboy every day and wonder why this happened. Nothing could ever take the pain away.We love you Babyboy and miss you always.....Love, Mom

        In Memory Of Babyboy


Sunday, August 29, 2010

For 18 years she was my companion

Losing your best friend is very hard. This is me and my pookie and also my snooky. I adopted pookie back in 1992 she was just a pup. I had no idea that she would be apart of my life for the next 18 years .Wow who would have thought. I adopted pookie because I could not have children or so I thought. Two years later my first daughter was born. In 1993 I was in a car wreck with my former husband and his mom and dad. We were hit by a 18 wheeler at a red light he was going 60 mph and we was sitting still. My mother in law died instantly. I was heartbroken and devastated ,she was like my mother. Pookie was the one I cried to because at that time in my life I felt so alone. In 1994 on mother's day I got pregnant It had taken me 8 long years I was finally going to be a mom.I was so attached I could imagine loving anything more then her but I quickly found out just how much more a human could love. My baby girl grew up with pookie and they played together all the time. I would dress them both up in matching outfits to keep them entertained. At this time I was pregnant again with my second child. Life was good and boy did it go by very fast.
Pookie died in Oct. 2009 the day before her passing I knew it was time she was frail and thin and was to weak to stand. That night I held her in my arms all night long until the next morning. She whelped out in pain through the night. I knew her body couldnt take it no more. My baby was going to leave me know and it was difficult to handle.I talked to her and told her just how much love she gave to all of us and I kissed her.We buried pookie at the home where we all lived together through most of her life . She is resting In Peace under a  cherry tree I planted over 15 years ago. So every spring she will have beautiful petals covering the ground she once use to play.
                                         Me my new baby Courtney & Pookie in 1995

                                                    Courtney & Pookie in 2009
                                                             Me & Pookie 2009

                                                 Snooky saying goodbye to Pookie

We laid our baby to rest , even though me and her dad
are divorced we buried her as if she was a human child on the property
where we all once lived as a family.
Our hearts was broke but we let her go .It was so hard because I have
never had a animal this long. Goodness 18 years I never thought a animal could live that long.

Welcome To My Blog

Theres nothing like owning a pet sometimes we have them for most of our life and other times they die as quickly as a new season comes. I wanted to share my experiences with all of you .I also wanted to share with you the heartache of losing animals and how it can effect you emotionally.